Your beloved Top is going out of town... and has just a few little hints and
clues he's going to pin you to the wall and make you swear to before he
leaves. So here, for the information and educational development of all
brats, here is the precise definition of what he means, in order for you to
be happy and healthy while he's away.


1) BED BY ELEVEN PM

Which means THINK about it at 11. Actually get there around two-ish when
everyone else on IM goes to bed


2) EAT PROPERLY

Which means - of course- PIZZA!!!!!!!!!!!! And you can finish it off for
breakfast. (ALWAYS eat breakfast, just like he tells you.)
Also stock up on cookies, chocolate and other snack foods as celery and
carrot sticks are NOT snacks, they're just used to keep the fridge busy.

3) REFRIGERATE FOOD AS SOON AS IT'S COLD

Stick it in the fridge when you pass it around lunchtime the following day
and don't mention it... it'll be fine, you both survive eating hamburgers

4) KEEP THE EMERGENCY NUMBERS BY THE PHONE

That means call 911 ONLY when the garden hose fails to put out the fire.


5) DO THE CURRENT LOAD OF LAUNDRY, GET IT DRY AND IRONED.

Kick the pile every time you pass it, put it in the washer and forget about
it. It'll dry by morning. Or toss it in the dryer to freshen, WHO needs
water?!?

6) FEED THE CAT

Leave pizza box on floor

7) MOW THE BACK LAWN

Dump ALL gasoline on the lawn, and set alight. That leaves you with NO
grass to mow, and no gas to mow

8) BUY MILK AND BREAD

At 2am when everyone deserts you on IM...head to the all night store to get
the essentials....and the candy bar you forgot earlier.

9) DON 'T SPEND ALL DAY ON THE NET

A day is 24 hours right? Just subtract toilet and snack breaks- you haven't
been there ALL day....

10) NO PARTIES.

it was a study group! Researching the multitude of beers available on the
modern market.

11) RING YOUR MOTHER

Call, let it ring once and hang up. Mark THAT one right off your list.
Alternatively, if you have the right kind of Mom, she has already come
round, vacuumed the house and done your ironing, bringing chocolate, cake,
milk and sympathy with her since you've been deserted by your partner.

12) NO LATE TV

Turn tv off at 11, it's only the news. Turn it back on at 12:01, as it's now
EARLY

13) YOU'D BETTER NOT LOOK TIRED AND SUGAR HYPED WHEN I GET HOME...

Leave a note saying you're feeding the homeless and crash at your friend’s
house until you can hold a glass without shaking and keep your eyes open
without toothpicks. Alternatively- why worry? He'll have missed you too much
to be mad. ;)