Transformation



The pain has started.


It grows a little with each passing hour
It was only a minor rule broken after all
At least I keep telling myself that
It doesn't help.

It's the next day and it's getting worse
It's filling my heart, my body, my soul
I choke on it when I look at him
But I think it's well hidden.

It's Friday night and my choice on what we do
I can't think, the pain is too intense
But not making a choice is a giveaway
I finally choose.

He looks at me, intense and knowing
Rather than ask me what I'd like to talk about
It's what I don't want to talk about
I stutter.


The pain intensifies.


It comes bubbling out in a rush
The silly rule I broke and how I lied
He isn't angry, but understanding and calm
I feel worse.

He tells me what I already know but need to hear again
The rule is there for a reason
There are consequences
The pain flutters in my stomach.

The paddle is removed from it's hiding place
The chair is moved from the table
I am moved to stand beside him
My pants at half-mast.

I find myself face down before I am ready
The cold air brings chills to my exposed skin
My partner's hand is wrapped securely around my side
I shudder in nervous anticipation.


The pain has started.


It explodes in paddle shapes across my bared cheeks
Each gun shot loud crack intensifies it
I squirm, I struggle, and I promise to behave
It does no good.

The knot of tears can no longer be swallowed
It comes up and out in a long choking sob
They pour forth as they did when I was a child
I realise, the paddling has ended.


The pain intensifies.


At least it feels like it to me
I can concentrate again
My bottom burns, it aches and it throbs
A rosy shade of red.


The pain slowly receeds.


I am on my knees, head buried in his lap
There's a cold flannel on my face, my neck
Arms around me, soft words spoken
I am forgiven.

A while later, when the skin has cooled
The throbbing settled and the tears have dried
Not only am I physically better, but that in
mind, body and soul



The pain is gone.