SHAKE, RATTLE & ROLL

by Rolf and Ranger


 

 

"Did you get them?" Michael demanded in an undertone,
sliding into the seat next to Matthew.

The university cafeteria was crowded. Matthew had
picked a table under the window and was dissecting
chicken and rice with a look of increasing suspicion.
At Michael's question he dropped his fork with no
little relief to leave alone the chicken and leaned
over to his book bag, grabbing out a coloured package
and handing it over.

"Yes. And DON'T ask me how. I'm hoping Rolf doesn't
read the credit card slips too closely or he'll kill
me."

"Have you tried them on?" Michael demanded, grinning.
Matthew snorted.

"Uhm, NO? I figured we-" he paused and waved, digging
Michael in the ribs. "Watch it. He's there."

Chris waved back from half way through the queue and
Michael swiftly pocketed the package, eating in
silence and letting Matthew go back to his autopsy on
the chicken while they waited. Chris arrived at the
table a few minutes later, hooked out a chair with his
foot and sat down, peering at Matthew's plate.

"That bad?"

"It's disgusting." Matthew said darkly.

"At least we'll get to eat something decent tonight."
Chris unwrapped the chocolate bar on his tray and
began to eat fast, washing it down with coffee. "I've
only got ten minutes before my next class. Math ran
overtime AGAIN- and I promised Joe I'd pick up the
tuexes from the dry cleaner on the way home."

"I HATE dressing up." Matthew threw his fork down and
picked up his own chocolate bar.

"You always gripe, but you're just the one to wear a
monkey suit," Chris said, taking a healthy bite from
his candy bar.

Matthew scowled and punched Chris in the arm.

"Get a grip you two," Michael snapped, pulling his
tray closer out of the danger zone. "You know the
Dean's propensity to drop in when you're in the middle
of that."

"OOooo, big words," Chris teased, grinning at Michael.

"I just get hot and uncomfortable," Matthew said as he
fumbled with the candy wrapper.

"I know, but it won't be for long. Besides, you
mentioned that new underwear you have. Won't that
help?" Michael took a forkful of lunch, working hard
to keep his face straight.

Chris looked quizzically at Michael before
transferring his gaze to Matthew. "What underwear, and
what's so special about it?"

Matthew nearly choked on the candy in his mouth,
needing a drink before he could speak. "It's got a
little battery operated .... thing ... in it to keep
you cool." He looked over at Michael who was furiously
sucking on his straw to cover himself.

"Are you kidding me? Air conditioned shorts?" A quick
nod from Matthew confirmed that it was. "Where did you
find them?"

"One of those -"

"Smut sites you check out all the time?" Chris
finished.

"No," Matthew said, scowling. "It was just a funny
pair of shorts in amongst the regular stuff in L.L.
Beans. They always have weird stuff."

"Yeah, they do," Michael managed.

Chris raised his eyebrows, then shook his head. "And
you wear these things?"

"Yeah. You know what my office is like, no a/c.
They've kept me sane all summer."

"I'll look next time I go in." Chris finished his
coffee and got up. "See you later-"

"Hey." Matthew grabbed up the coloured packet and
dropped it on his tray. "We got you something."

"What?" Chris put the tray down and picked it up.
Michael grinned.

"Call it an anniversary gift, I know this weekend's
'your' weekend."

"What is-" Chris opened the paper. And grinned as a
pair of sleek, black shorts dropped out. "You ARE
kidding me?"

"The a/c'd shorts." Matthew confirmed. "Hey they're
fun, we just thought you might like a pair to try. If
you hate them you can always palm them off on Joe."

 

"Not sure I want him TOO chilled down there." Chris
examined the small, sewn in pack on the front of the
shorts. "I'll give them a try. Thanks! Be nice to
think of being cool in a penguin suit this evening."

"Pleasure." Michael said cheerfully. "See you later."

"See you later." Chris picked up his tray, pocketed
the shorts and headed for the door. Michael and
Matthew were barely able to contain themselves until
Chris was safely out of earshot and eyesight.

"You DID keep the remote?" Michael asked after he
could find his voice.

"Right here," Matthew said, patting his bookbag with a
wicked grin. "That was a priceless lead-in, thank
you."

"You're welcome. I've NEVER looked forward to these
charity things like I am looking forward to this one
tonight."

"I know," Matthew said, grinning. "I can handle the
monkey suit for this."

 

 

*

 

"WHAT are you grinning about?" Rolf demanded in
exasperation for the third time as they got out of the
car. Matthew blew him a kiss across the car roof.

"Just happy."

"It's a police charity cocktail do, you usually hate
them."

"I'm in the mood." Matthew slipped his arm through
Rolf's and headed with him towards the front door.
"Besides, you scrub up well."

"So do you." Rolf twitched Matthew's tie straight and
held the door, watching Matthew duck under his arm and
enter ahead of him. Todd and Stephen were holding
drinks and standing with Eric who was in full uniform
by the stairs.

"What are you drinking?" Rolf asked, pulling his
wallet out. Matthew raised his eyebrows.

"You really want to know?"

"You can have ONE of whatever it is, and I'll take a
Chardonnay, please," Rolf said, waiting a minute
before handing over the money. He could almost see the
brat wheels turning, but couldn't quite put his finger
on what was wrong.

"Hi Officer Davison," Rolf said, shaking hands with
Eric before turning to Todd and Stephen as well.

"PLEASE drop the officer talk, it's stuffy enough as
it is," Eric said with a rueful smile and a tug at his
white jacket.

"Where's Mike?"

"A few people in front of Matthew at the bar," Eric
said. "Was it hard to get him ready?"

Rolf held his hands up in surrender. "He was in the
mood for this tonight. Don't ask me," he added,
grinning, as Eric gave him a quizzical look.

Eric grinned and shook his head. "Mike's on a high
too. I took it as being the last day of school. WHO is
that?" he added under his breath as a woman entered,
built like a battleship, with a large hat which
appeared to be supporting several dead birds. Stephen
glanced over his shoulder and winced. Todd spluttered
into his wine.

"WHAT is that?"

"Shh, she'll hear you."

"She won't hear a thing with all those feathers in her
ears."

"That's the chief commissioner with her," Eric said
quietly as Mike brought him a drink over, "I know
that's not his wife."

"Probably his mother." Todd suggested, grinning.

"Or his mistress," Michael said to Eric, and was
swatted soundly. "Ow! You didn't have to do that!"

"I said that was the Chief. Keep your comments to
yourself, please."

Heat rose slowly in Michael's face for a minute before
Chris and Joe made their appearance and broke the
awkward silence.

Michael grabbed Chris and headed over to where Matthew
was still waiting in line. While they were walking,
Mike whispered into Chris' ear. "Take a look at the
birdnest over there, on your right."

Chris took a quick sideways glance and burst into
laughter, but quit when Michael tugged on his arm.
Matthew turned around to see what the commotion was.

"Hi Chris. Penguin suit all right for you?"

"HOT." Chris said expressively. "And that's without
the birdsnest hat.

Matthew reached the front of the queue and ordered
drinks for himself and Rolf, aware of Mike's casual
voice behind him.

"The a/c'd briefs aren't any good?"

"They don't seem to be working yet, but I haven't had
them on for very long," Chris said, trying to battle
the flush he felt rising.

Mike caught Matthew's eye with a glint of pure joy and
Matthew hastily stifled a snort of laughter, walking
quickly towards Rolf and handing over the glass of
wine. Rolf peered with some concern at the concoction
in Matthew's other hand, wincing visibly.

"Do I want to know what that is?"

"No." Matthew said cheerfully, drinking it. "What do
we do now?"

"Stand around and die of boredom." Mike said under his
breath. "And...."

Matthew caught his meaningful tap of his side pocket
and nearly choked on his drink.

"Too much fizz?" Rolf asked Matthew, who was
studiously working on his chin with the napkin.

"No, no. Just inhaled rather than swallowed," Matthew
said, heading hastily back towards the bar area with
Michael following.

"Stop that," Matthew said as soon as they were out of
earshot, ditching his wet napkin for a drier one.
"We'll never get to use that thing if you point it out
so obviously."

"Want to start now?" Mike asked, eyes dancing behind
his beer. "It works through pockets. I tried it out a
few times at home last night."

Matthew took a few deep breaths before he answered. "I
don't know, it's still early.  But he looks a little
hot," Matthew said, snorting again.  "Ohmygod I'm
going to DIE laughing to see his reaction."

"Get a grip." Mike warned. "Anyone looking?"

Matthew scanned the area, biting hard on his lip to
quell the rising hysteria.

"No, I think you're safe."

"Then make like we're talking and DON'T look." Mike
said under his breath, took another sip of his beer
with a wide eyed and entirely disinterested look
carefully focused towards the drinks table, and sank
his free hand into his pocket.

Across the room, stood between Joe and Rolf, Chris
abruptly jerked and spluttered into his drink.

"Are you alright?" Joe asked, handing over the napkin
he was holding to his partner.

"Has everyone forgotten how to drink?" Rolf asked when
Chris said he was fine.

"Did you do it?" Matthew asked, staring hard at the
painting on the wall.

"Yes. He appears to be slightly stunned," Mike
reported, risking a quick look in Chris's direction.

Chris's eyes were rather wide and he was definitely a
little flushed about the cheeks.

"Well?" Matthew said hopefully. "Do it again?"

"I'll give it another shot, and then you take it."
Mike said, turning to look with Matthew at the
painting and sinking his hand once more into his
pocket.

"........with the lights on third, but we hit traffic
on the-" Joe broke off on the other side of the room
as Chris lurched a little, bumping into him.

"Have we already had enough to drink?" Joe asked as
Chris straightened up quickly. "You're getting a
little red, are you -"

"I'm fine. Going to the bathroom, excuse me," Chris
said quickly, pushing his drink into Joe's hand. He
walked very quickly through the main doors and took a
sharp right into the bathroom.

"Is he -" Rolf began, looking quizzically at Joe.

"He's fine as far as I know," Joe answered, stepping
over to put Chris's drink down.

"I'm starting to wonder if there's a full moon." Rolf
said thoughtfully, looking over to where Michael and
Matthew were standing.

"Rolf's looking!" Matthew hissed to Mike who casually
swapped his beer to his other hand and kept both well
away from his pockets.

"Did you see what Chris did?"

"Jumped like a fish on a hook and ran to the
bathroom." Unable to hold it any longer Matthew
exploded into giggles. "Oh his face....."

"You take it now." Mike waited until Rolf's eyes were
off them and slipped the small black box into
Matthew's pocket. "But give it a while."

"How are you not dying?" Matthew asked, wiping a tear
from his eye.  He was holding back far more than he
let out and he could feel the hysteria rising
steadily.  "I need a walk," he hissed before Mike
could answer, striding off for the far side of the
room to try and calm down.

"Definitely a full moon." Rolf said to Eric, and went
to join Matthew who was still spluttering by himself.

"Is the art work really that funny?"

"Hilarious." Matthew said apologetically, choking.

"I'm not sure I get the humour."

Matthew sobered quickly. Rolf's tone, as much as his
face, held clear warning that he wasn't too happy.

"I'm not sure what is so funny but it needs to stop.
This is a formal occasion and you and Mike are acting
like children."

 

The tone was quiet but meaningful and Matthew sobered
rapidly under the look and the pointed undertone.

 

"Let's go back to the group," Rolf said, pushing
Matthew ahead of him.  "Do you know if anything is
wrong with Chris?"

"He only just got here, I only said hello." Matthew
said with absolute truth and enjoying being virtuously
able to tell the absolute truth. "Why? Is something
bothering him?"

The tone was deeply suspicious. Rolf looked at him,
radar starting to sound alerts, and he took Matthew's
drink out of his hand.

"What?" Matthew demanded indignantly. Rolf unkindly
put it on a ledge some way above his head, which
placed it a long way out of Matthew's reach, along
with virtually everyone else in the room.

"You need to calm down."

"I was drinking that," Matthew complained to deaf
ears.

"Behave," Rolf cautioned, a ton of meaning in that one
word.

Michael had been rounded up by Eric and was standing
quietly and radiating disapproval for having to stand
still.

"How are you?" Eric asked, smiling at Matthew. "Look
at you, tie and everything."

"Under protest." Matthew informed him. Around the
corner he saw Chris returning from the bathroom,
looking slightly more together.

"All right?" Joe asked as he joined them.

"Fine now thanks." Chris said confidently, taking his
drink once more.

Matthew made a spluttering sound behind his hand and
stopped as Rolf looked at him. Mike grunted at the
discreet elbow in his side that Todd planted, and
quietly moved back a few steps from the group.

 

"Ow?"

"What IS going on here?" Todd demanded under his
breath. "You and Matthew are on hot bricks, Rolf keeps
muttering to Steve."

"You remember we told you about the - uh- thing?" Mike
said, grinning. Todd looked blank for a moment, then
snorted.

"Yes. The online catalogue."

"He's wearing them," Mike said, grinning madly for a
moment.

 

"You - How?  And who's controlling it?" Todd asked,
unable to keep the surprise out of his voice.

Mike snorted, trying to swallow down another fit of
the giggles. Todd was not so much of a giggler but get
Matthew properly started and they'd be caught in
minutes.

"Matt's got it. Chris has had to run to the bathroom
once already."

"How did you get him to wear them?" Todd demanded,
trying to keep his voice down.

"Told him they were an anniversary gift and they were
air conditioned - fan installed." Mike said blandly.
Todd cracked up, snorting loudly enough that Stephen
and Eric both looked round.

"Straighten up," Mike hissed under his breath, trying
to meet Eric's eye and smile. "They're already looking
suspicious."

Todd composed his face and was in the process of
moving back into the group when he saw Chris abruptly
raise up on his toes and a look of acute alarm cross
his face. Just when Todd thought he was going to lose
it, Chris jumped again like a shot rabbit, spun on the
spot and darted back towards the bathroom. Todd did
the only thing he knew to do and lost his grip on his
drink, the plastic cup crashing to the ground. He bent
over quickly and started picking up the pieces of the
cup, shoulders convulsing in laughter.

"WHAT is the matter with you lot tonight?" Eric
demanded, stooping to help him. Joe put his own drink
down and followed Chris, and Matthew released another
explosive snort of laughter that was hastily stifled
behind his hand.

"Nothing," Mike said, sipping his own drink. "That's a
bit of a mess - want a mop or something?"

"Some paper towels - thanks," Eric said, accepting
that from one of people working the bar.

"I'll get you another drink, Todd." Mike said, walking
back over to the bar and trying to compose himself
before he had to look at Matthew.

Rolf Looked at Matthew, who was still choking, with
less and less amusement. Then he took Matthew's hand,
took Matthew with him and led him well away from the
rest of the group to another acquaintance of his, and
drew Matthew to stand beside him while they talked.
Bored, Matthew kept half an eye on the mess still
being cleaned up by a spluttering Todd.

 

 

"Chris?" Joe called, entering the bathroom a split
second behind Chris. Chris bolted into a cubicle and
slammed the door, too agitated to hear his partner
behind him.

"Chris." Joe said again, shutting the bathroom door.
"It's me. What's wrong? Are you sick?"

"NO- " Chris grabbed for his belt, ripping it open and
stripping off his trousers with all speed before the
ghastly thing in the slim, black briefs could begin
its awful movements again. A/C? It was about the least
cooling experience down there that Chris had ever
experienced while fully dressed.

"Chris?"

"I think it's just something I ate. Could I have a
little privacy please?"

"Would you like to go home?" Joe offered, sounding
concerned.

"No, no. I'll be fine," Chris said, pulling the front
of his briefs away from himself and trying to see if
there was a way to pull out the gadgetry, whatever it
was. He breathed a huge sigh of relief when he heard
the door close behind Joe.

Trying to knock the motor either into running or not
running again- the wretched thing appeared to be
temperature controlled, and to have a mind of its own
- he finally gave up and after serious thought about
removing them completely, he pulled his pants back
into place and waited another moment or two to be sure
it didn't start moving again. He wanted to say
something to Matthew about the problems he was having
with the shorts but knew without a shadow of a doubt
that if he did, he'd be the laughing stock of the
party. When his shorts remained quiet, he went over to
the sink and wet a paper towel, trying to cool his
flaming cheeks.

There was no on or off switch that he could see, and
when they did work it was a sensation that no
reasonable person could possibly be expected to deal
with calmly. There was no way that people could
actually wear these and still talk coherently, let
alone do anything involving standing upright.
Hopefully they were cool enough now to stay quiet,
otherwise Chris knew he would be reduced to spending
the rest of the evening commando and he did not relish
that thought at all. He put a cautious hand inside his
waist band once more, adjusting the wretched things
still more carefully and as far away as possible and
then went back into the main room and found his
abandoned drink, most of the ice having melted into
it. He tossed that in the trash as he walked over to
the bar for a fresh one.

"You okay?" Mike asked solicitously, turning to find
Chris in line a few people from the bar.

"Yeah, fine. What did they do?" Chris asked, nodding
his head at Eric and Todd, who had just got up from
the floor with the last of the paper towels.

"Todd dropped a cup." Mike said, indicating his own.
Joe came to join them, sliding a discreet arm around
Chris's waist.

"Better?"

"Yes." Chris said decidedly. "I just need another
drink."

"Stick to water then hon." Joe gave him a gentle hug
and let go, running a hand down Chris's back in a way
that meant he was concerned. Chris gave him a wry
smile that both said thanks and promised to talk to
him about this later. Later it might actually be
funny.

Rolf, on the far side of the hall, was standing at an
angle to keep an eye on Matthew while he talked to his
acquaintance. His alarm bells were going off again as
Matthew seemed zeroed in on the bar. He was in the
process of looking to see what deserved such scrutiny
when his eyes were drawn to Matthew's hand, sliding
down into his pocket. There was something about the
surreptitiousness of the gesture that was suspicious.

"Excuse me? I need something else to drink," he said
to the group as a way to end the conversation. There
was a chorus of polite goodbyes, and setting his empty
glass down on the nearest table, Rolf steered Matthew
into a quiet corner and held out a hand.

"Hand it over."

No one could do wide eyed, innocent and bewildered
like Matthew, who's hands were still in his pockets.
Across the room there was a sudden disturbance at the
drinks table. Rolf glanced over and saw with some
irritation that Chris had just knocked over several
cups and glasses at the drinks table and that Mike was
very unkindly laughing even as he helped to stand the
cups up again. No few eyes of the other guests were on
them. Whatever was in the air tonight it was affecting
all four brats, and Rolf intended to pull Matthew out
of the circus right now.

"Give." he said to Matthew still more shortly.
Matthew's mouth opened to complete the picture of
injured innocence, and Rolf LOOKED at him in a way
that made him visibly pale.

"Now, Matthew Christopher, or we're going to the
bathroom to discuss this in detail."

There was absolutely no doubt in Matthew's mind that
Rolf meant it. And that he'd follow that threat with a
thorough body search, which would not end well.
Matthew slowly slid his hand out of his pocket,
holding a small remote control which he put into
Rolf's hand without a word.

"What is this?" Rolf asked, turning it over in his
hand to look for identifying marks.

"I think it's someone's keychain," Matthew said
hopefully.

"A keychain," Rolf said blankly, pressing the button a
couple of times. "I -"

Across the room Chris squeaked and the drinks table
lurched. Mike burst out laughing and Matthew, unable
to contain it any more, doubled over with very badly
stifled laughter. Rolf glared at him, lowering his
voice menacingly while he stabbed at the several
buttons on the small remote to investigate its
purpose.

"STOP that and be quiet. What is this and where did
you find it? IS this yours?"

Twitching on the spot, Chris clutched at Mike,
squeaking as Joe crossed to them, followed by Eric.

"Matthew!" Rolf said more sharply, still stabbing at
buttons as Matthew threatened to sink to his knees,
out of breath and sides aching.

Rolf's blood pressure was nearing its peak, not helped
by the fact that Matthew, far from paying attention or
taking this seriously, was threatening to dissolve
into tears of laughter. He looked again at the remote
in his hand, then looked over at the rest of the
group. Todd was doing a half decent job of remaining
calm, though Rolf could see the strain it was taking
on him. Michael on the other hand was walking quickly
towards the exit while Joe, Eric and Stephen stood in
a confused semicircle around Chris who was trying hard
to disappear beneath the carpet. Rolf's thumb was
still pushing at buttons, trying to make sense of the
controls, and he was touching one when he saw Chris
jump as though he had been electrocuted.

Light connected quickly and powerfully. Grabbing
Matthew's arm, Rolf gave him a single, hard shake.

"QUIET. Is this thing somehow connected to why Chris
is so jumpy?"

Matthew was past talking. Gripping him and taking him
along, Rolf went over to the group around Chris and
handed the remote to Joe.

"I think that might have something to do with
Christopher?"

Joe took it, mechanically pushing at one of the
controls, and Chris yelped, jerked and then in horror
swiped the remote out of his hands. Eric, Stephen,
Rolf and Joe watched blankly as Chris touched one of
the buttons, stared at the little black remote in his
hand, and then without hesitation emptied his drink
over Matthew's head.

There was a moment's rather stunned silence.

Then Rolf tightened his hand on Matthew's elbow.

"Bathroom. Now. Move."

Dripping water, still gasping for breath, Matthew
moved. The party was over, the only question remained
who was going to die and by what means. But there was
no shaking the image of Chris's stunned _expression or
his frenzied twitching on the spot. Rolf shook him
sharply by the shoulder as he started to laugh again.

"Matthew Christopher, if I were you I wouldn't dare."

The tone was sobering. Michael, just outside the door,
had his hands on his knees and was also laughing,
although the laughter died on his lips when he saw
Matthew's soaked hair and clothes and the _expression
on Rolf's face.

"Michael, go find Eric, RIGHT now,"

Mike met Matthew's eyes with alarm and moved
instantly, not prepared to argue with Rolf when he
sounded like that.

 

"Yes sir."

Joe took Chris's arm, steering him right after Rolf.
Stephen, the only one left, looked down at Todd with
bewilderment.

"Do you know anything about this?"

Todd opened his mouth, not at all sure how to answer
that. Stephen shook his head and pointed towards the
bathroom.

 

 

The town was likely to believe that there was a top
and brat convention taking place on the premises. Rolf
hustled Matthew to the sink and presented him with
paper towels to dry his face. Aware of the ominous
grimness of his partner's face, Matthew opened his
mouth to begin the case for the defense and at the
look he got, swiftly closed it again. A moment later a
very unwilling Michael appeared with Eric right behind
him, and Eric, casting a rather wary look around at
the bathroom they were now monopolizing, put his
shoulders against the door to keep it shut.

"WHAT was that all about?" he demanded in a drill
sergeant tone once the room was secure.

"I...we...well...." Michael stuttered, before a very
heartfelt "Ow!" escaped his lips as Eric, with the
eight of them crowded into a narrow bathroom and in no
mood for procrastination, turned him sideways and
landed several extremely firm swats to his bottom.

"We found some shorts in a catalog," Michael said
quickly, red with embarrassment as much as the
swatting, which hurt. "Gave them to Chris - they've
got a vibrator in...in the front."

"It's got a WHAT?" Stephen demanded, being completely
bemused by most of this.

"A vibrator." Michael repeated still less willingly.
"It's in a pouch and the remote activates it-"

"And you've been torturing Chris all evening?" Rolf
demanded, cutting into this explanation.

Chris, embarrassed beyond all bearing and overwhelmed
with the urge to slap Michael or Matthew's head off
their shoulders, an impulse he was unlikely to
successfully follow through with Rolf, Eric, Stephen
AND Joseph all standing guard, made a dive for the
nearest cubicle, and despite the speed, left an
audible sob in the air behind him. Joe, giving a truly
filthy look to Michael, followed him.

"Did you participate in this?" Stephen asked Todd, who
had gone three shades paler as he realised exactly how
upset all four of the tops were. The remaining three
looked extremely grim.

"I...I knew they had it but I didn't buy it or...or
press the button," Todd added hopefully.

"Who did buy it?" Rolf said very shortly.

"I did," Matthew said into the almost deathly silence,
looking hard at the floor and wishing his fairy
godmother would make an appearance soon.

Rolf unfolded his arms, turned Matthew around by the
elbow and to Matthew's horror, unfastened both his
dress pants and his briefs, tugging them efficiently
out of his way before bending Matthew forward and
landing a flurry of extremely well placed swats far
and wide across his uncovered target. They echoed like
gunshots in the tiled bathroom. Matthew was trying
extremely hard not to burst into tears by the time he
was finished. It was embarrassing enough to be spanked
by your partner in a bathroom, but add the fact that
you were well dressed and there were six other pairs
of ears and eyes in on the action and it was almost
more than one could take. Most of the time discipline
was kept between partners, or at least to just the
people involved in the actual act.  Rolf spanking him
in front of everyone said a lot and it brought home to
Matthew just how seriously he and everyone else was
taking it.

Rolf turned him back around. "You should be ashamed of
yourself. BOTH of you," Rolf said sharply, taking in
Michael by the door.

"And this was between you and Matthew?" Eric said to
Mike, arms folded where he leaned against the door.

Mike nodded a little, almost in tears and extremely
apprehensive of what agreeing would lead to. His
apprehensions were justified. Eric turned him around
and yanked his trousers and shorts down as well,
pulling up the tail of his shirt, and Mike found
himself braced with his hands against a sink while
Eric landed a flurry of swats that fully equaled what
Matthew had received. Like Matthew, he was too shocked
and too embarrassed to protest or even try to move out
of place. He stood up quickly when Eric let him go and
swallowed extremely hard to try and get rid of the
knot of tears stuck in his throat. It was impossible
to stand still and pretend nothing had happened when
his backside smarted and his face matched its still
obvious coloring. Both he and Matthew stood in ties
and tuxes from the waist up and from the waist down -
the picture was rather different and horribly
childish, and yet neither of them would have risked
moving. There was a moment of really horrible silence
in the bathroom, during which Todd looked scared stiff
and Matthew struggled hard against the urge to burst
into tears.

"Outside." Rolf said to Matthew at last, extremely
curtly. "Face the wall and wait for me."

Matthew quickly pulled his pants up, not bothering to
tuck his shirt in. He stepped quickly from the room
and only when he'd made it out in the hall, dared to
rub discreetly at the smart in his backside. He was
still fighting the urge to cry and after a look
around, tried to nonchalantly stand facing the wall.

"You too." Eric said to Michael, moving to let him by.
"One word to Matthew and I promise you I'll come out
there and turn the benefit X rated."

Michael moved without a word. Todd, standing close to
Stephen, looked utterly terrified. Rolf passed him and
tapped quietly on the door of the cubicle Joe and
Chris had disappeared into.

"Joe. Is there anything we can do?"

"Just get them home before I finish what you started,"
Joe said without opening the door.

The tone was dry, and not quite kidding. Rolf
exchanged a look with Eric, took his car keys from his
pocket and tossed them up, catching them neatly.

"Then I think that's my cue. Goodnight all."

 

~~~~~

 

 

It was not pleasant, darting through a car park with a
very large and distinctly grim partner exactly a step
behind. Matthew fled for the car, confidently
expecting another swat on top of the several still
tingling extremely hotly behind him. He did however
manage to reach the car without incident and Rolf
unlocked it, holding the passenger door for him.
Matthew scrambled in as fast as possible while aiming
to present the smallest possible target. Rolf was not
happy. Not Happiness was radiating off him in waves,
and it was not anger, it was far more an extremely
ominous sense of promise. And Matthew did not need
diagrams as to what he was promising to do.

The ride home was quiet - Matthew didn't dare open his
mouth as he knew any apologies or attempt at
explanation would be shot dead in seconds. There was
only one way this evening was going to end and the
only question remained exactly how bad and if there
was any hope of damage control. He knew why Rolf was
so annoyed. They'd really upset Chris, something he
hadn't even thought about.

He had had serious doubts about Chris even putting the
shorts on, much less getting through a good part of
the evening wearing them, though half of that was
spent in the bathroom adjusting himself. His ears were
already starting to burn in anticipation of the sharp
words Rolf would certainly have for him about their
antics this evening. What had seemed hilariously funny
twenty minutes ago was decidedly less funny now -
although the image of Rolf frustratedly stabbing at
the remote buttons and Chris jumping like a fish on a
hook in response..... in spite of himself Matthew
released a choke of laughter at the memory and then
shot an extremely guilty look at his partner. Rolf
gave him a steady look with one eyebrow raised, and
backed off the speed of the car in a way deeply
sinister in meaning.

Matthew slid down in his seat, shaking his head and
shooting a look of appeal at Rolf.

"Noooooo, I'm sorry. I'll be good."

Rolf spared Matthew a solid look before returning his
eyes to the road and his foot to the gas pedal. He
pulled into the driveway a few minutes later and
moving with almost military precision, stepped from
the vehicle. He opened the front door and waited
pointedly for Matthew to enter the house ahead of him.

"Get yourself ready for bed. I'll be upstairs in ten
minutes and I expect to find you in the corner. Move."

That was better than it might have been. Matthew
bolted for the stairs, but did not escape the
extremely accurate swat that was placed behind him. It
encouraged all speed. Distinctly dry mouthed, he
changed, put away every item he was wearing with
obsessive care that was not at all usual in the
evenings, brushed his teeth and then with nothing left
to do, hovered where he was in the bathroom doorway
and looked with deep apprehension at the corner. The
indecision evaporated in a heartbeat when when Rolf's
steps were heard on the stairs. Matthew shot into the
corner, taking the last second chance to rub at the
fading sting still behind him, knowing that he wasn't
going to want to touch anything around there in a few
short minutes. 

Rolf shut the bedroom door behind him to keep the cats
out of the equation, since they had very little
practical help to offer. The dejected set of Matthew's
shoulders and the extremely large, appealing eyes his
partner cast in his direction suggested that Matthew
was resorting to desperation tactics. Rolf took a seat
on the bed, crooking a finger at Matthew and watching
the snail like progress towards him in what were not
even half steps.

"WHERE did you get that thing?" he asked when Matthew
was about as close as he was willing to come.

Matthew took a deep and heavy breath, hovering on the
spot. "Mike and I were online one day and found this
catalog for weird....clothes."

"And you bought that with Chris in mind?" Rolf
inquired, one eyebrow raising.

"NO, no," Matthew said quickly, hoping this would be a
bit of damage control. "I just got it because I
couldn't believe what they were selling."

"And you thought it sounded like a good idea?" Rolf
asked, straight faced which left Matthew no clues at
all.

"It was GOING to be funny," Matthew said defensively.

"It might have been if you'd kept it at home." Rolf
agreed. "How funny do you think Chris found it in
public?"

"Not much," Matthew replied, his head going down
before he looked up again with appeal. "We didn't mean
to upset him - it was just a joke, I didn't even think
he'd actually put them on."

"He might have got more in to the spirit if it hadn't
been a thoroughly public place to embarrass him." Rolf
pointed out. "And that's leaving aside the silliness
and messing about everyone else had to put up with
from you and Michael and Todd all evening."

Matthew's head dipped down with no good answer to
that.

"So what are you going to do about repairing this
situation with Christopher?" Rolf inquired.

"Apologise to him?" Matthew hazarded. Rolf nodded.

"I think you owe him a written apology, which you'll
deliver tomorrow to Joseph. Do I need to take your
credit cards and keep a closer watch on your
purchases?"

"No, sir," Matthew said quickly, shaking his head. "I
don't want to buy anything else like that."

"It's not what you buy, it's how you then decide to
use it. DON'T give me reason to think I might need to
keep closer tabs on that." Rolf warned.

"No, sir," Matthew replied fervently.

Rolf nodded, straightening up and his tone lifting to
a brisker one that told Matthew clearly that the
talking was over. "Then we need to deal with the
performance you put on with Michael this evening, and
playing a rather unkind practical joke in public on a
friend."

"We really didn't mean for it to get so out of hand."
Matthew pleaded.

"What is wrong with the joke you played on Chris?"
Rolf asked, answering that rather forlorn plea. "I
don't think any of us lack a sense of humour."

Matthew winced, near to tears. "He was in
public..........and alone in being picked on, I know!
It was supposed to be a little funny, a little laugh.
I didn't mean to make him so upset."

It was getting harder to talk around the tears
threatening. Rolf's voice was quiet but firm.

"He's going to expect to be a laughing stock amongst
the rest of us now, isn't he?"

"That isn't what was supposed to happen!"

"Isn't he?"

"Yes," Matthew said, a tear slipping down his cheek.

"Well he isn't." Rolf said bluntly. "If I hear a word
- the slightest hint about this to Chris, I'll turn
you across my knee and embarrass you just as
thoroughly, right in front of him and anyone else
present. Is that clear?"

Crystal. Matthew dropped his head, voice very soft.
"Yes sir."

Rolf's nod took in the pyjama trousers in one succinct
gesture. "Lose them."

Very, very slowly, Matthew pushed them past his hips
and stepped out of them, leaving them in a pile on the
floor. He stepped closer to Rolf without being asked
to, feeling the familiar rush of emotions as he did
so.

Rolf took his hand and slowly, not at all happily,
Matthew bent across his lap and settled into position,
finding most of his top half on the bed and his head
resting in the crook of his arm, the part of him now
devoid of pyjamas being draped uppermost across Rolf's
knee. Rolf wrapped an arm around Matthew's waist and
wasted no further time talking. His palm rose and
landed fast and sharply across Matthew's unmarked
behind, leaving a bright pink imprint behind.

Matthew's head snapped up, and any relief he thought
he'd feel at not being asked to gather any implements
disappeared in an instant. Another swat fell and he
bit his lip, ducking his head back down, trying to
deal with the increasing smart. Rolf continued,
covering every bit of white skin until it was an even
shade of bright pink, feeling his partner start to
squirm and wriggle as the swats built up. Matthew
grimaced hard, unable to help the few brief and
convulsive kicks in response to particularly acute
ones finding their target, and it was only a moment
more before equally instinctively he flung his hand
back, palm up, doing what he could to block his
extremely vulnerable backside from further harm. Rolf
took Matthew's hand and held it at his side, picking
up the pace.

"Ow, ow, Oooowwwwwww! I'm sorrrrrryyyyy," Matthew
managed pitifully and fairly coherently, before formed
words became impossible. He was being held extremely
securely and it was quite apparent that Rolf was going
to continue for some time to come. There was nothing
left at all to do but squirm and twist from side to
side which he did as much as he possibly could and
which gained absolutely nothing in relief. Rolf
continued to hold him steady and to spank at a pace
and with an emphaticism that produced a smart lively
enough to make Matthew wail even as the tears really
started, and they were no longer tears of apprehension
or distress that Rolf was upset. Wholehearted, sincere
regret had long since taken over.

Rolf continued, making sure the first thing that
Matthew would remember in the morning was that there
was nothing funny about the previous evening. He
finished with several swats in quick succession to the
lowest curves of Matthew's now very red bottom,
generating a forlorn attempt at squirming off his lap.
He laid his now throbbing hand across the small of
Matthew's back and let go of his hand. Matthew sobbed,
partly in relief, but made no attempt at all to move.
For a moment Rolf let him lay limply where he was,
hand resting on Matthew's heaving shoulders, then he
helped him to his feet.

"Corner." he said quietly and very firmly. "Go on."

Matthew walked over to the corner, certain his pajama
top would burst into flames as it came in contact with
the fire lit behind him. He gave into the sorrow he
was feeling for himself and his sobs redoubled for a
few moments, not caring at all how undignified it had
to be. He tried to wipe away the tears on his face but
they refused to stop falling as his backside throbbed
in unison with his heart.

Rolf flexed his smarting palm a few times, got up and
went to undress, an eye on the time. He could only
hope that by now Joe had succeeded in distracting
Chris and reassuring him that he would be able to meet
the others again without being teased to within an
inch of his life. Chris had been more trusting of
Michael and Matthew than either of them deserved, and
the audacity of teasing him in that way- Rolf shook
his head, resisting the brief urge to smile. It was
not funny. It was most certainly not funny.

Matthew took a deep and shaky breath, trying to settle
himself down. He could finally hear Rolf moving around
the room and he wanted nothing more than to curl up in
bed and hope for a better day tomorrow. Rolf sat down
on the bed and took off his watch, putting it down on
the side cabinet before he looked across to the
corner. Only Matthew could look that pathetic stood
there.

"Come here brat." he said, holding out a hand. Matthew
scuffed across to him and Rolf took his hand, giving
him a very meaningful look.

"That apology gets written as soon as you get home
tomorrow. Five hundred words, properly spelled,
properly written, and I'll check it."

"Five...five hundred?" Matthew asked in some shock. "I
am sorry is only three and I have to make it last for
five hundred?"

"Yes." Rolf said without hesitation and in a tone that
suggested arguing further was not a good idea. "This
isn't just a brief 'I'm Sorry, Forget It'. This is an
apology and you're going to convince Christopher that
you are sorry, that you understand why it wasn't a
good thing to do and that you're not going to take
advantage of him by teasing."

"Yes, sir."

"Bed." Rolf said briefly, pulling back the covers.

Matthew grabbed a few tissues on the table and blew
his nose before he slid into bed, careful to stay on
his front.

Rolf turned out the light, settling back and getting
comfortable before he put out an arm, found his still
sniffling brat and pulled him firmly across the space
between them. Matthew came reluctantly - or at least
outwardly reluctantly, but his head settled into
Rolf's shoulder without protest and he curled into the
arms Rolf wrapped around him, wrapping one in return
across Rolf's chest.

"What catalogue was this anyway?" Rolf said into the
darkness after a minute. Matthew's voice was rough
from tears and somewhat deeper than usual.

"I don't know. Some weird gadgets catalogue."

"Maybe we need to borrow that particular gadget back
from Joe." Rolf said dryly. "You can try them while
you mow, and I'll keep the remote control handy. Think
it'd speed you up any?"

The fist he got in his ribs made him yelp, he resisted
Matthew's attempt to pull away and sulk, and kissed
him soundly, trying not to laugh.

"Well I thought that was funny."

~the end